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As you might have heard, the MTV Movie Awards were held on Sunday, May 31. But the real question is: why does anyone actually care? This charade is nothing more than a mere popularity contest where the latest fads are put on a pedestal so teenagers can show that even mediocre and horrible movies can get their fair share of awards. In case you are wondering, I did not watch the show, as I have little to no interest in anything other than a list of winners, and I had no desire to see host Andy Samberg attempt to be funny. Here is the rundown of the winners:

Best Picture: Twilight

Yeah, sure, “Twilight” was so much better than “The Dark Knight,” “Iron Man,” and “Slumdog Millionaire.” I was one of the few who weren’t all too enthralled by “Slumdog,” but I still liked it a little bit. But to say “Twilight” of all movies was the best picture of the year is insane. The movie is nothing but contrived romance between a toothless vampire and the most boring and uninteresting female protagonist I’ve ever seen. The only other contender I neglected to mention is “High School Musical 3,” which I have not seen nor do I wish to see.

Best Male Performance: Zac Efron for “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Zac Efron isn’t necessarily a bad actor, and he just might make a good career for himself, but he was not the best actor of the year. Once again, his stardom and popularity with teenage girls helped him to win this award. As for the other nominees, I almost laughed when I saw Vin Diesel’s name for “Fast & Furious.” If it were me, it would have gone to Robert Downey, Jr. for “Iron Man.” Christian Bale for “The Dark Knight” and Shia LaBeouf for “Eagle Eye” round out this category.

Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart for “Twilight”

Again with the “Twilight” stuff. I know it’s popular but Kristen Stewart was awful in it. But she was a shoe-in for this award as Anne Hathaway (”Bride Wars”) was her only competition, and maybe a slight chance for Angelina Jolie (”Wanted”). Were teenage girls really going to vote for Traji P. Henson (”Benjamin Button”) or Kate Winslet (”The Reader”)? How many teenage girls actually saw those movies?

Breakthrough Performance - Male: Robert Pattinson for “Twilight”

If there was anyone even worse than Kristen Stewart in “Twilight,” it was Robert Pattinson whose job was to sit around and sulk for the entire movie and then pretend to do one fight scene. I’m sure it was his acting that earned him this award.  But it’s not like any of the other performances were better: Ben Barnes (”Prince Caspian”), Taylor Lautner (”Twilight”), Dev Patel (”Slumdog”), and Bobb’e J. Thompson (”Role Models”).

Breakthrough Performance - Female: Ashley Tisdale for “High School Musical 3: Senior Year”

Once again, I cannot comment as I have no idea about Ms. Tisdale’s acting ability, or lack thereof. The runners-up were Miley Cyrus for “Hannah Montana,” Kat Dennings for “Nick and Norah,” Vanessa Hudgens for “HSM3,” Freida Pinto for “Slumdog,” and Amanda Seyfried for “Mamma Mia!”

Best Comedic Performance: Jim Carrey for “Yes Man”

Finally, a category full of nominees who are all worthy of taking this trivial award home. And though I really don’t care, Carrey can take it. Steve Carell for “Get Smart,” Anna Faris for “House Bunny,” James Franco for “Pineapple Express,” and Amy Poehler for “Baby Mama” round out the category.

Best Villain: Heath Ledger for “The Dark Knight”

Well, at least they got something right. If Ledger had lost this one, then this institution would really lose all credibility, not to say it almost hasn’t by this point. But then again, look at the competition: Luke Goss (”Hellboy II”), Dwayne Johnson (”Get Smart”), Derek Mears (”Friday the 13th”), and the most laugh out loud nominee: Johnathon Schaech for “Prom Night.” They seriously nominated the villain from the “Prom Night” remake.

Best Fight: Robert Pattinson and Cam Gigandet for “Twilight”

Let me tell you about that awesome fight scene in “Twilight.” You know what I’m talking about. The one where they kind of snarl at each other and throw like one punch. That was truly awesome. Way better than Batman and the Joker fighting in “The Dark Knight” or the fight in “Hellboy II.” I can pass on the “Bride Wars” and “Pineapple Express” nominations, though.

Best Kiss: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson for “Twilight”

Honestly, I can’t even remember if they kissed. Who cares? Also nominated: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens for “HSM3,” Paul Rudd and Thomas Lennon for “I Love You, Man,” Sean Penn and James Franco for “Milk,” Dev Patel and Freida Pinto for “Slumdog,” and James McAvory and Angelina Jolie for “Wanted.”

Best WTF Moment: Amy Poehler for “Baby Mama” (Peeing in the Sink)

Great name for a category, right? Sure, give Poehler the award. After all, “Twilight” wasn’t nominated. Also nominated were the naked break-up in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” jumping in the poop shed from “Slumdog,” tasting a decapitated head in “Tropic Thunder,” and the curved bullet kill in “Wanted.”

Best Song from a Movie: Miley Cyrus “The Climb” for “Hannah Montana: The Movie”

Typical, but surprising that “Twilight” song “Decode” did not win. Cyrus isn’t a bad singer, but is she really better than Bruce Springsteen and his song from “The Wrestler”? I don’t think so. Although it is a better song than “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog.”

Ben Stiller also won a Generation Award, whatever that means.

In conclusion, this was a gigantic waste of time and I almost regret writing about it. Why these awards exist, I have no idea. But whatever, life goes on.

Ryan Movie News