Bordello of Blood
BY Ryan LaMarca / 2008-12-30
I love "Tales from the Crypt." It really is a fantastic show and over the last few years, it has become one of my favorites after rediscovering it on DVD. But nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for what I was about to witness in the series' second theatrical film, "Bordello of Blood." The film was an absolute riot, and never have I laughed so much during a horror movie from its intentional jokes. I honestly don't even know how they can consider "Bordello of Blood" a horror film or even brand it with "Tales from the Crypt" which is usually straight-up horror. "Bordello of Blood" also marks the big debut of comedian Dennis Miller, who had left "Saturday Night Live" five years earlier, in a lead role.
When her rough and tough, wild brother Caleb (Corey Feldman) goes missing one night, Katherine Verdoux (Erika Eleniak) find the police to be of no help. At the police station, however, she meets Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller), a seedy private eye, who offers to find her brother for her. After getting the names of some of Caleb's friends, Rafe hits the local bar and gets a lead on where it is the missing boy might be. It seems the local funeral home is actually a brothel and Caleb and a friend had gone there for the "Cunningham wake." However, after some spying and searching, Rafe discovers that the ladies at the brothel are really blood-thirsty vampires ready to kill their customers at a moment's notice.
Dennis Miller is my favorite comedian, hands down. To truly enjoy the man's comedy, you have to appreciate his unique style which is written on the walls in "Bordello of Blood." It couldn't have been Miller alone, though. The writers did their job writing some decent jokes and Miller just went to town with them and made them side-splittingly funny. If you don't know Miller, then you won't know his quirky, dry take to the humor and because he plays it this way, everything comes off smoothly. If they hadn't had a comedian in the lead, you'd have to wonder if the end result would be the same. "Bordello of Blood" knows its a parody of itself. It has to be. Everything about it is designed to have a payoff with a joke.
Unlike the first "Tales from the Crypt" feature, "Bordello of Blood" does not feature the show's iconic opening sequence. It does, however, feature some equally entertaining wrap-around segments with the Crypt Keeper who's always ready with a few bad puns. But they're still funny, and I don't know whether it's because they're just so incredibly stupid or because of John Kassir's infectious laugh as the Keeper. Equally funny is Chris Sarandon as the Reverend J.C. Current, a televangelist preacher and Katherine's boss. Reverend Current is always working on how to make his broadcast better and even sets up a laser beam to burn a cross into a giant rising statue of the devil on stage. And I didn't even recognize Corey Feldman playing Katherine's rebellious and wild brother, Caleb, the focal point of the movie. He's the one who first discovers the bordello from this bizarre man in a bar who gives the same spiel every time he tries to get people to come to the brothel. Although I have to say it was much more funny the second time around when Miller was making fun of him the whole time.
Even the excessive violence is funny. In the movie, vampires exposed to sunlight or holy water suffer a horrendous fate. They just don't explode. First, they catch on fire and then really blow up into a mess. But for some reason, it all seemed so ridiculous and so outlandish, that I couldn't help but laugh. But in one particular scene near the climax, Miller and Sarandon infiltrate the bordello with super soakers full of holy water. The end result was not pretty. I think you really need to have a sick sense of humor and really know you're going to enjoy this type of movie before sitting down to watch it.
Everything about "Bordello of Blood" just screams exploitation. As far as classification goes, I would label "Bordello of Blood" as a comedy over horror any day because it doesn't have much to offer in terms of chills and scares. If anything, "Bordello of Blood" makes me so upset that Dennis Miller didn't do more movies. I guess for now I can settle for his current radio show.
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